About 24 hrs ago

my mum died.
at that moment robbert was packing the boys bags for their sailing camp and after I had phoned him we decided to not tell them for the moment and simply go ahead with life.

by now my sister and i have started cleaning up the house and emptying drawers with youth photo's of family we didn't even know we had, administration dating back till 1988, an oven with food it in etc.

What i can't believe and even annoys me, is that i am having such a hard time believing it.
Come on now.
we saw this one coming for years in a row.
YEARS!
every time she wouldn't pick up the phone i would go there to check she was still alive.

and its almost insulting to see how ordinary life goes on.

caroline had to be brought to pony camp (we hadn't told her yet)
there is laundry to be done.
people on the street greet me and i am flabbergasted they can't see my mother died.

the cremation is this friday.
ttyl.