Tip top

Today.....

I had my teeth whitened.

YES.

Let me enlighten you.

A couple of weeks ago we had our regular checkups at the dentist and i talked to him about bleaching my teeth. You see those 'shops' popping up everywhere and with the amounts of tea I drink, there is room for improvement.
White wise I mean.

Sure, he says. We do that here too. You bite into some stuff 3 times in a row and in an hour you're done.
i must warn you though; we've done it on 3 people so far and it really hurts. All 3 wanted to quit after the second treatment.

My god I thought.

Then again; the result was already there, so in the end it didn't matter, he happily continues.

Let me get back to you on this one I said.

Only to find myself laying in the dentists aid chair this morning.
A cheek spreader filling my mouth, 4 tampons making me gag and her smearing vaseline abundanly over my lips.
"see, the first time we didn't know this and the guy that came here, left with white lips coz the bleach bit into them. He looked ridiculous for weeks!"

Nice.

Try to relax.
Don't squeeze your hands.
So far so good.
I can do this.
For gods sake, i've had 3 children.

"Now, i am going to put something on the border of your teeth and gum so your gum won't bleach too. I mean there will be an occasional spot but that simply cannot be helped"

Get a hold of yourself.

Piece of cake.

'alright, we'll start the bleaching now and when i have smeared that onto your teeth (no biting into anything!) we put a hot light on it'.
Dentist aid puts on her protective glasses, puts a (radioactive i presume) light into my mouth and starts to babble to another aid.

Which makes her turn around, thus moving the light to G knows where in my mouth.
In my mind i see blisters and spots coming up everywhere.

Focus.
Focus.

She does.
After 10 minutes an alarm rings.
Holy cow.
it burns.

"o yes, it definitely see change here, another aid says. We'll start the second treatment right away"

Okidoki.
Let's get it over with.

Man it hurts.
Relax.
Everyone got thru the second one. So will you.

"and then Kenneth asked me where that box had gone. As if i knew. I mean what good is that box to me? I don't have a light at home, so there is nothing i can do with it"
" maybe he just gave it to his brother. Remember the last time he wanted to know where that chair was? Turns out he gave it to his brother".

Phone rings.
One of them is of.

"o so you are at the beach with daddy, that is nice blablabla"

I wish she would stop now.
Seriously.
How much longer is it?

"so I am back. I wish i could be at the beach too. Do you take the lower or upper teeth?"
"you do the lower. Does my lamp still burns? "

YEEES it does, you just pierced my lip moron!

Ok that's it, i am going to make a sign.
I want to stop.

Alarm rings.

'let me just rinse this for you and then you can take a look and see whether you want to stop now or go with the last treatment"

And you know what i did?
I took the last treatment.

Which i stopped halfway.
bit too enthusiastic.

Am i pleased?
Yesss.

It's not exactly what i hoped for.
And it bloody hurts. still.

But.
no gain. no pain.
And on this note, i leave you beautiful readers.